Give and Take.

I was shocked today to learn about the argument between my friends in school and how one cried after another. I strongly believe all you have been keeping the anger in yourself, and of course holding back your tears for a period of time.
Just three hours ago, I realised one of my friend has told a lie to my another friend, a serious and huge lie. It's okay to lie if it is to protect others. However, this time, you are betraying all of us just for your own benefits. I always doubted every word you said and every story you told. But, maybe you have your own reasons to do so.....and again I am using this phrase to comfort myself. You did that to me two years ago and this time you are doing the same thing. How could I ever trust your words again?

To those who feel they are betrayed,
To those who have cried,
To those who are still filled with anger,
To those who could not forget the past,

Friendship is give and take,

Friendship is understanding and forgiving

when a friend makes a mistake,

Friendship is about being there when a friend’s heart aches…
Friendship is not about making demands,

Friendship is not even trying to understand and

dismissing the other out of hand,

Friendship is not about me, it’s about we…
Friendship is not saying never speak to me again,

it’s lets get through this my friend,

What ever the problem we have,

we can beat it my friend,

just hold my hand and lets face it together until the end…
That’s a friend….

I simply love these verses from the bible:
Book of Luke Chapter 6:41-42

'Why do you look at the speck in your brother's eyes, but pay no attention to the log in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Please brother, let me take that speck out of your eye,' yet cannot even see the log in your own eye? You hypocrite! First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will be able to see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

My dear friends,
Let us see the fault in ourselves first before jumping into conclusion.
Please don't cry anymore,
please don't argue again,
I feel sad that I could not assist you all
but to only be a faithful listener.

CBN 110th ANNIVERSARY DINNER

CBN 110TH ANNIVERSARY DINNER!
SUNWAY RESORTS AND SPA

One of the best event of the year 2009 besides the trip to Sunway Lagoon and the celebration of Te Sheng's birthday in Times Square.

Tulashini, Kar-Mun, Ms Sarah (4U English Teacher), Carmen, Melissa, Pik Ki

Ms Lim (4U AddMaths Teacher), Pik Ki, Carmen, Ms Ma (4U Maths Teacher)


Carmen, Ms Faridah (4U Biology Teacher), Pik Ki
Pik Ki, Puan Jamilah, Carmen
Ms Ma, Ms Kam, Ms Goh, Ms Gan, Ms Lim, Pik Ki, Ms Choo, Carmen

I enjoyed myself very much. Guess who I saw? Terry!!! Haha...too bad you went home early, otherwise surely I will take picture with you. =)

More pictures in Facebook!

Xin Yong dear!

Cheer up!

We are all here for you!

We love you!!!!

Let me out.

I tried to think differently from others,
to be optimistic that you're not such person,
to find reason to debate with others,
however, now I find it is not worth at all,
to be on your side,
to fight for your right,
at least not now anymore.

Though I do not see you everyday,
Your actions, your sayings,
words that bubbled out from your mouth,
movement, steps and path that you take
I totally disagree with it.
Think before you act,
you have not cultivated it in your life,
that's why many people dislike you,
that's why many people try staying away from you.

I'm really, really mad at you yesterday and today
with what you did,
though you did not do it to me,
but indirectly you're hurting my feeling,
not only to me but to others as well,
anger filled my heart,
like the volcano is gonna explode at,
anytime any moment.

The actions that you did yesterday and today
drives me crazy
Worst still I couldn't say a single word
as I did not want to argue
Again I have to keep everything to myself,
before I got to see my besties at certain time,
to share my stories, to pour out my feelings,
to let go of my anger,
by hitting my 'many names' friend.

Always, always, always,
this is the moment I fear the most,
but this is life,
I have to go through this,
for at least five times a year
nothing much I could do about it,
but to bear with it.

Keeping quiet, pretending as if nothing has happened
is not an easy task,
Hard to pretend as if I did not hear
what you said,
But, to avoid war
this is the only way,
to keep quiet.

'What is yours, is yours. You need not ask for more.

It may bring you joys, but unhappiness to others.'

Smile Carmen,
I'm smiling. =)

Forever Begins Tonight =)

We made a pact to take the time
To get to know each other deep inside
No rushing in to cross the line
It may be a little old fashioned
but it feels so right.

Been holding back for so long
What feels so right can't be wrong
Baby you can read it in my eyes
Let's write the story of our lives tonight.

Don't be afraid, turn down the light
Baby move in closer
It's gonna be alright
This is the moment we will remember all our lives
Forever begins tonight.

I know you fear those butterflies
But let me tell you a secret, so am I
But, it's OK
Baby, it's alright
Just follow our hearts now
What we feel inside
Yeah

And I know we will be one
When we see the morning sun

Don't be afraid.

Never, never say I love you if

you really don't care.

Never talk about feelings if

they aren't really there.

Never hold my hand if you are

going to break my heart.

Never say you are going to if

you don't plan to start.

Never look into my eyes if all

you do is lie.

Never say hello if you really

mean good bye.

If you really mean forever

Than say you will try to never

say forever.

Cause forever makes cry!

I finally came to realize, that

you're no longer mine.

That it won't be me, on who,

you will be spending your time,

I thought I was prepared, but I

guess I was wrong.

I'm struggling with my feelings,

but I have to be strong.

You and your 'friend'....strange

because she isn't me,

Confused because I don't even know

if I want to be.

I guess I still believe

That you will be back

I guess I still think

you can be the person

You once were

The one with sweet words

I'm waiting for you to be who you first were

I'm stuck believing in fairy tales

And I know that

I just need to stay

I keep telling myself

I'll pack up and go

But I can never get my things together

Can never truly let you go

And that's not easy.

Time will heal my wounds, at

least, that's what they say

so I will wait for the time to go by,

soon I'll be okay.

But how long more

shall I need to wait.....

...........................................................................................................................................................

I'm really, really stupid

to still put hope in it

When it is clearly known

there won't be any result....

I'm just putting false hope in it.

I couldn't think of what to do anymore.

I hate myself to have this kind of feeling again. I hate being in this condition.

You are my all in all.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication,
with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
Philippians 4:6 (New King James Version)

Take it away

Your absence has gone through me like thread through needle.

Everything I do is stitched with its colour.

Everyday i think of you.

Everyday you cross my mind.

Everyday i see something that reminds me of you.

Everyday im missing you.

Everyday i wonder what could of been.

Everyday i think of why you did this.

Everyday im getting stronger.

Everyday im moving on.

But everyday I'll always miss you.

"Love is the passion that we feel inside of our hearts that we can't hide. We pretend to hide it, but it burns us more and more until the pain grows and grows and it never ends."

Colour of The Night

You and I moving in the dark
Bodies close but souls apart
Shadowed smiles and secrets unrevealed
I need to know the way you feel

[chorus:]
Ill give you everything I am
And everything I want to be
Ill put it in your hands
If you could open up to me oh
Cant we ever get beyond this wall

cause all I want is just once
To see you in the light
But you hide behind
The color of the night

I cant go on running from the past
Lave has torn away this mask
And now like clouds like rain Im drowning and
I blame it all on you
Im lost - God save me...

[chorus:]
cause all I want is just once
To see you in the light
But you hide behind
The color of the night

[chorus:]
cause all I want is just once
Forever and again
Im waiting for you, Im standing in the light
But you hide behind
The color of the night

Please come out from
The colour of the night

Move on dear...

I didn't plan to argue over this matter...
It's just the time when I read your post,
I feel so wrong, I feel so sad for you....
I feel so bad with how you felt....
perhaps I'm wrong again...this time...
My feelings can't be controlled....
I hated the way the anger and hatred flow in me...
And the worst part was that this's the first time..
I felt so for you....
Not even the time when we were no longer together...
Isn't it too late to start hating you now....
I never agreed to detest someone's....
You have your right, you have your decision,
You know what's best for you....
I just realised that all this while...
I have never understood your life,
your thinkings and your heart before...
I'm just too stupid to let matters lead us to this way....
I should have given you many conditions before you left....
The main would be never ignore me....
Surely I did feel you're avoiding me....
And always the same question playing in my mind...
'Did I do something wrong again?'
Recalled and recalled....
'Nothing, I don't think I talk to him for the past few weeks.'
It's really funny between us,
Fine for one day, disaster for the next day...
Chatting the day before, ignoring the next,
I really need someone to punch me up,
give me a few slaps, pinch me hard,
to wake me up from this dream never come true land...

My mission to delete everything did not achieve,

as always 'saying is easier to get things done'

Perhaps my heart is just too soft....

Easily burst into tears,

Easily forgive someone who I hated last minute,

And the feeling of hatred just gone without any word of comfort

Cause that's you

Cause it's impossibile for me to hate you

I don't believe in loving someone and to forget someone

I have to detest everything about him.

I have tried hard,

still failed to erase everything.

Please don't worry,

you need not turn back,

I won't ask for it either,

Just let me keep the memories,

bad or good I still cherish them,

Please start a new life and move on,

cause that's what I pray for you.

Just ignore the irritating me here,

I should stop dragging it on....

But I will still dream on...

I will still stay faithful to this land...

which brought me joy, and taught me many things in life...

My fault, I'm sorry

Please move on.....

Friends Forever, Vitamin C

Happy...

Hello! Hmm, I'm in kinda good mood...Feeling glad and happy. Mainly was because no one made me upset today. Although I did not achieve my mission to get full mark for my Maths, but I'm still satisfied with it. As for Add Maths, my marks are dropping slowly..from 96% to 92% and this time 86%. Both my Maths and Add Maths paper were full with the word 'CARELESS' which was written big enough for others to see from a distance. I must be dreaming during the exam... May I use the word 'If only'?
If only I opened my eyes wider enough, I won't have made such mistakes..Unforgiven...
If only I wasn't sleepy, I may have done slightly better.
If only I have enough time to check my answers, I would have got it right.

Ms Ma was disappointed that there are only 8 students who scored full marks for Maths. There should be 11 students she said. The others 3 made silly mistakes!!!! Sorry Teacher!!!
I just got back my Physics paper today. My teacher is very upset with our performance. Worse than Mid Term exam perhaps. I was very, very, very nervous when teacher decided to read out the marks. I did badly for my mid term, so I did not expect a high mark for Physics. But, to my surprise, I managed to get A1. The highest is 92%. I'm very happy with it. However, I still need to work hard in my Physics if I want to be as good as others. I know I'm a slow learner, and could not catch the concept as fast as others...for this subject. Do not give up Carmen!!!

I'm selected to become a librarian. And the teacher pronounced my name wrongly. Duty starts next week, but I don't think I want to become one. I have to stay back at least twice a week which I think it is too much. It will take all of my time. And I do not think I could cope with it. I will have to ask my dad to write a 'resign' letter....haha.. So, let's say Bye Bye to librarian! =)
Good Luck to others!!!

Lastly, thanks Tze Keat!

Owh..no..no...I don't want...
Wednesday please don't come...
Please...please..I'm not ready yet...
Do not shout...
Do not scream...

Everything...

I'm glad to say that I have finally overcome the uneasy, uncomfortable and the guilt that I always feel when I see you. I'm happy and relieved that you're moving on, you're being normal again, you're feeling better, you're happy and cheerful again. You may not grasp how relieved and elated I'm each time I see you smile.

For the last two weeks, I faced lots of problems - struggling with my Physics, load of homework to be completed, and the worst was having conflicts with friends. You see I used the word 'was', but that doesn't mean it is fine now, it's just that I choose not to bother anymore. Each time when I disagree with my friends' attitude and their actions, I used to keep quiet for I believe no one will listen to my so called 'lame' advices. However, deep in my heart, I do feel sad and angry with you all. It's like they only think that they are right and I'm wrong. I admit that I may be wrong, but doesn't mean that you are 100% right.
Book of Luke Chapter 6 verse 41 :
"Why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but pay no attention to the log in your own eye?"
It's true that nowadays all of us only look at the faults on others but see themselves as purely good. We only like to judge and made comments on our dislikes to others, but have you ever asked yourself back about your mistakes? I shared my problems with my parents and my dad advised me 'not to care what others said about you'. It's very funny though that I'm very afraid with people making false comments on me and spread the rumors all around. I could not stand with rumours especially when it is untrue.

I'm here telling you that I have decided not to care anymore. You may seem to be very nice and good to me, but I have a very strong feeling that you are just acting it out. I'm sorry to say so. I have had enough with you. I will talk if you want me to. I will still listen when you need a listener. I will still be there when you need me. But, one thing I know, I can never forget how you treated me all this while. Remember I'm not a robot, very true that I have never argued back with you, but I too have my own feelings. As you choose not to consider about others feelings, so why should I? For that you need not worry. I will not be that cruel. I will still stick back to my decision - I will not care anymore.

To Cheng Tze, Life is full with challenges. As long as you do not give up, and stay strong, you will will be able to overcome all the obstacles and win the race. Thanks for keeping in touch.

To Terry Kuan ( if you are reading ), I'm very sorry that I did not reply your messages for the last three weeks. I have been very busy and I wasn't in the mood. I was very down which I think you sort of knew it.I understand that you're too bored and want to chat. But, I'm really sorry. Sometimes things just don't go the way we want it to be.

To '.........', Thanks for everything. I can sense that everything seems fine on your side and what matters most is that you're moving on. You were lost once, but I hope that will never happen again. When you are happy, I feel happy for you too. I always pray that you will stay as cheerful as you could be. And what I observed is that you start smiling again. You will never know how deep the effect is on me. That's great! All the Best in everything you do! Smile always!

The words the happy say

Are paltry melody

But those the silent feel

Are beautiful --

My nightmare- Next Wednesday....

Megan Fox!

Thanks to Xin Yong's mum for fetching me to Leisure Mall from Sciencemathic. With this, I could leave all my stuffs in her mum's car. The boys preferred to take cab to Leisure Mall, I thought they will walk as they are always in Financial Crisis. We met up with Mey Ling in front of the Cinema. Wow! This is the first time I see Mey Ling wearing sleeveless. I like the colour of her top - light pink and also her high heel shoes!!!! Nice and beautiful! So only Xin Yong and me who dressed up extremely simple as we thought it's only in Leisure Mall ( the most boring mall )....

After we got our tickets, we went to Wong Kwok for lunch. It's always the hardest decision to make on where to eat, but this time the boys suggested Wong Kwok. And so we went. The place was very full with people but the service was not that bad. The girls had a difficult time to choose what to eat. Anyway, Xin Yong and me ate 'Hor Fun', Ler Yinn ate 'Chicken Wing rice' while Mey Ling only wanted a drink. The food wasn't that delicious, just fine. I was kinda astounded when Tun Kai told me he likes Michael Jackson. Before this, I thought only the older generation will adore him. Oh Tun Kai, if you referred to yesterday Star's Newspaper, there is a biography book on Michael Jackson. About His story, His music, His Greatness, His Comeback and His Death. My mum wants to buy one for my dad which I think you should get one too....since you like him as much as my dad does. =)
We joked a lot, Mey Ling and Ler Yinn nearly got into a fight or perhaps it is the way they communicate when they are hyper.

Then, we went to Arcade the boys played 'basketball' while we watched. ........................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
.......................................................................................................................................................................

I skipped some parts, just in case "someone" is checking'. However I have to say it was fun playing hide and seek. Haha...

Movie time!! To be honest, I always think that Transformer is a very boring movie and it is meant for boys to watch. I was wrong. The movie was awesome! Te Sheng and Tun Kai can't wait to see Megan Fox and also their main reason to watch Transformer....just to see the sexy and pretty Megan Fox. Well, no doubts she is pretty. Ler Yinn also agreed with it. In the cinema, Ler Yinn and I studied Tun Kai's reaction closely....especially the time when he saw his 'wife' kissing another guy, we could spot that his heart was broken into pieces. He must be thinking, 'Why couldn't be me? Why not???'. The saddest part was that you did not invite us to your wedding reception!!! I wonder what was Te Sheng's reaction when he saw Megan Fox...you sat too far..couldn't see... Anyway, true that boys like pretty and sexy girls...

After the movie, we went to Populor to buy some stuffs. Ler Yinn and Tun Kai went home earlier than us. Te Sheng bought McFlurry for Xin Yong, so sweet. I envied dy... Xin Yong, your turn to buy at least an ice-cream for me. I 'melted' seeing you eating the McFlurry. How leh??? Then, Xin Yong's mum fetched Mey Ling and me home.

It was a tired day but I enjoyed it very much. With this outing, I can relax and got to stay away from books for some time. Able to release my stress by joking around with my friends. Thank you for organizing this outing. It's a good choice to join you all. =)

The librarian interview is on Monday. I have no idea whether I should go. I really, really could not decide myself. If I attend the interview, I understand that you will feel hurt and I believe you will hate me. If I don't go, I do not get to join the CBD next year ( which I really want to go ). I could not decide. I need someone to give me your opinions. Please help.

P.s. If only you could understand how hard is it for me to be 'stucked' between the both of you... If only we could understand each other feeling... If only you could teach me how I should react... Everything will remain just the same... I'm sorry my dear friends for everything... I'm lost...really...

Love is like a fairytale,

you live it for awhile and

then the book just has to end.

It was never love that broke her heart,

it was losing that love that tore her apart.

What should I do?

One thing that makes me real happy today...
Seeing you smile makes me relieve...
Though I know it is not real...
That's not the real you...
That's not what you feel inside...
I know...I feel that...
I wanted to assist..to console...
But fear of me being busybody...
Is what you may think...
To handle it all by yourself...
To bear everything on your own shoulder...
Is not a great way...
I know that...
I have cracked my head...
Thinking what I should do...
Just to make you happy again...
But I'm just being useless...
For no matter what I did...
It does not help...
Still you will not smile...
Still you will be gloomy...
What should I do?
Uneasy, lost, guilty...
Is what I feel now...
Please help....
I just wanna see you smile....
Smiling at me...
That's all I wish for....